he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
3pm strippers are depressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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