I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
