pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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