fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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