I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
