I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
