i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
