It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize