How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You surviving the open bar?
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I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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