I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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