My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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