Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
