No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
