you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
