I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
