Do vagina's smell?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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