it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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