I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
