The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
