My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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