i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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