i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
