they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
