Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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