I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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