my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize