There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
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Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
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Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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