im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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