I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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