The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
