i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
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No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
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WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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