Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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