My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
