I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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