and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
she peed on how many people?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
