So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Im part way to drunk.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
