You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
