The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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