I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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