i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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