You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
