Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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