remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
