I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
