how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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