i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
