You just made me feel so damn special
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
