so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
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He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
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It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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