I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
