there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL