I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.