I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.