This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
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Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
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So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.