dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
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