Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize