You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
