That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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