i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
