i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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