You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
how drunk are you?
Several
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
