I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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