my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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