So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just found a bag of teeth...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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