it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
