respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize