PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
