I'm really into asian looking animals
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
